I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
