I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
