can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
