I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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