did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
