So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
God, I missed his penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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