I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
