Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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