I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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