Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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