Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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