5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
