I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
