so explain again why im purple
no
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
