I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
