i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
