Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
