is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
