Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
