You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
