so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
