I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
