I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
