we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
