Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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