Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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