He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
