So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
