what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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