So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Text me some of your sweat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
