I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
