How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
