i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
