Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
