well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
