So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
