How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
