I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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