Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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