I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
