we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
