nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
