dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
