morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
