We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
