just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
