My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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