Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
