My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
