i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
