Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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