I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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