She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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