What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
