He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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