guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
