I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
