I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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