This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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