70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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