I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't notice because vodka
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
