he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize