You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize