His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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