I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
