Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
