i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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