We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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