Im at strip club and am horny
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
