last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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