She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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